Snowflakes

I now have access to the sidebar over there; which means we will be seeing a few changes.

The first of the sites that I've chosen to add is Stuff White People Like. Not only is it very funny, it is also very accurate.

Take a gander at this:

White people can do powerful things with their eyes: casting judgment, indicating scorn, and obnoxiously rolling them when someone says something they don’t agree with. Yet in spite of these powers, they are not immune to the dangers of the sun. So white people must wear sunglasses. But what may surprise you is that while white people will spend upwards of three months finding a perfect pair of unique prescription glasses, they have no such requirement for sunglasses....

These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmers market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is....

Under no circumstances, should you imply that white people purchased their sunglasses because of celebrities that are not dead or because they saw them on other white people they think are cool. This will make them very upset as white people need to believe that they cannot be persuaded to buy anything.

Saying something like “man, it’s pretty amazing how 65 people at this outdoor concert all decided to get their sunglasses at exactly the same time,” should only be directed at a white person who is not wearing Wayfarers. This will make them feel better about not fitting in, but it will also make them self conscious about their plan to buy a pair.

(Note: a significant amount of white women are still wearing oversized sunglasses but they are a dying breed.)

So incredibly true.

Or this:

Depending on the coolness of the white person, they can experience this stage anywhere between the sixth grade and their last year of college. Regardless of when they went through this phase, every white person can tell you about the time when they had Legend on repeat. If you wish to test this theory, go to any floor in a College Dorm and there is a 100% chance you will find at least one Bob Marley poster....

Since so many people are into Bob Marley, it is only natural for advanced white people to profess to only marginally liking Bob Marley (note: it is impossible for a white person to outright dislike him). Instead, these white people will claim to preferring more obscure artists like Burning Spear or Peter Tosh.

But be warned that a white person saying they like “reggae” what they really mean is “reggae from 1965-1983.”

Under no circumstances should you ever bring a white person to a dancehall reggae concert, it will frighten them.

Note: if you are talking to a white person who is really into Bob Marley, has dreadlocks, and professes to be a Rastafarian, you should end the conversation immediately. These people are of no value unless you need directions to a WTO protest or have questions about how bad a human can smell.

Of course, this is not simply a matter of race, but a matter of culture. If you're not an American, and you're not a 'progressive,' then you will find that very little would apply.

But to those of you who are both American and progressive, or for those who wish to appear to be more white (because to white people, appearances are everything), you will find this site extremely informative as to how to act, eg superficial. It is also helpful for understanding white people better, for employment or personal purposes.

Enjoy!